For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positives things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
The Love Dare speaks of how if we meditate on the positive attributes of our spouse, our appreciation for them increases. It continues by labeling this appreciation as the “Appreciation Room” in our hearts. My daddy actually made a sign labeling the bedroom as an ”Appreciation Room” while my mom was at work. How cute! I LOVED it!!
Typically relationships begin with each other trying to impress one another. Some even say it was love at first sight or that they got fuzzy feelings when they were around their significant other.
I have to admit…I thought Andrew and I were the abnormal couple. We didn’t start out with the ‘impress’ each other phase (although Andrew did once he started having feelings for his friend). I would go out a lot with him and the guys, then gradually…it was just me and him. Nothing awkward…just fun. In fact, that’s when his heart changed and started to like me. He’d take me out to eat and intentionally ask me questions to get to know me. I on the other hand wasn’t so serious and didn’t get it at first. Even then, I was not dating exclusively . They were just all friends – or so I thought. Andrew would tell me to have a good time and all the while, thinking of me by helping me with job applications/interviews and take me shopping for an interview outfit. He even bought me earrings to pretty me up just for the movies. I however was clueless and ditsy. My friends, though warned me, “I think he likes you”. “Oh, nah! We’re just good friends!” I told them. It wasn’t until later that Andrew worked up enough courage to tell me that he liked me more than just as a friend. I was hesitant at first, but he won me over before several other guys expressed their feelings to me – whew!
Because of his persistence and his love for me…I have grown tremendous appreciation for him. This day, we had to write out positives and negatives and were competing! Our positive list was 3x’s longer than our negative list. Probably because we are once again…newly-weds. We were like elementary kids with our arm over our paper…I had a long list of positives and Andrew would peek over and saw it growing…somehow his grew, too :) My negatives were pretty minor partly because I didn’t include any nit-picking attributes. The negatives were mainly related to communication – men and women obviously do so differently. Imagine living with someone who doesn’t hear well. I get frustrated at myself, but Andrew loves that about me…he sees the humor in it and thinks it’s so cute at times – “egh”.
Rule of thumb…never stop appreciating each other!
If there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things. ~Philippians 4:8
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
#6 Love is Not Irritable
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
We are a little bit on the fresh side…only 6 months into our marriage. So we have yet to face some really difficult, challenging, or irritable moments. It’s not to say that we don’t have moments of frustration or irritation, because we certainly have those fuses.
The Love Dare may not be as applicable to newly-weds, but Andrew and I are challenging each other to continue our wonderful relationship, friendship, and spirituality. I’m anxious to see how far we get before a spark becomes a fire. Sometimes sparks fly off but we take precaution (or in my terms…fire prevention). Our little tiffs may be related to me being such a prevention Nazi (AKA nagging). I’m a planner, organizer. It is that which drives Andrew crazy. I do love spontaneity, however.
Our 1st and biggest fight occurred on New Year’s Eve. People joke…right?! Well, when it comes to me being sarcastic or joking…it’s completely interpreted to the point its offensive! I learned a hard, valuable lesson…Tiffany is not allowed to comment on jokes! Otherwise, I predict that our tough challenges will probably come along when we have children.
By this dare…Andrew is convinced that we’ve done everything in the Love Dare book. Like my mom…”so is our marriage perfect?” Absolutely not!! In fact, he claims he wrote the book – haha! Needless to say, there’s always room for improvement. So when childhood cancer survival rate reaches 94%, do researchers and scientists stop finding ways to improve their quality of life or increasing the chances of survival? At St. Jude Children's Research Hospital…they’re not happy until the survival rate is 100% across the board for all types of cancer! That could take decades…or centuries! Marriage should be treated the same way…strive for 100% through trial and error or when a curve ball is thrown at us. There may be some downfalls, hardships, or failures…but they only serve to make us stronger. Just as a researcher or a physician is tirelessly working to save a child with cancer…married couples are capable of doing the same to save their promising love.
We are a little bit on the fresh side…only 6 months into our marriage. So we have yet to face some really difficult, challenging, or irritable moments. It’s not to say that we don’t have moments of frustration or irritation, because we certainly have those fuses.
The Love Dare may not be as applicable to newly-weds, but Andrew and I are challenging each other to continue our wonderful relationship, friendship, and spirituality. I’m anxious to see how far we get before a spark becomes a fire. Sometimes sparks fly off but we take precaution (or in my terms…fire prevention). Our little tiffs may be related to me being such a prevention Nazi (AKA nagging). I’m a planner, organizer. It is that which drives Andrew crazy. I do love spontaneity, however.
Our 1st and biggest fight occurred on New Year’s Eve. People joke…right?! Well, when it comes to me being sarcastic or joking…it’s completely interpreted to the point its offensive! I learned a hard, valuable lesson…Tiffany is not allowed to comment on jokes! Otherwise, I predict that our tough challenges will probably come along when we have children.
By this dare…Andrew is convinced that we’ve done everything in the Love Dare book. Like my mom…”so is our marriage perfect?” Absolutely not!! In fact, he claims he wrote the book – haha! Needless to say, there’s always room for improvement. So when childhood cancer survival rate reaches 94%, do researchers and scientists stop finding ways to improve their quality of life or increasing the chances of survival? At St. Jude Children's Research Hospital…they’re not happy until the survival rate is 100% across the board for all types of cancer! That could take decades…or centuries! Marriage should be treated the same way…strive for 100% through trial and error or when a curve ball is thrown at us. There may be some downfalls, hardships, or failures…but they only serve to make us stronger. Just as a researcher or a physician is tirelessly working to save a child with cancer…married couples are capable of doing the same to save their promising love.
Wearing my new dress Andrew bought me.
We had a wonderful time at our friend, Mary and Eric's wedding...spent the weekend at the Brown Hotel in Louisville, KY.
Andrew being the head of the house :)
I always do my best to have a clear conscience toward God and men. ~Acts 24:16
Thursday, March 19, 2009
#5 Love is Not Rude
Ask your spouse to tell you 3 things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Andrew and I have much respect for each other, therefore, we try to practice good etiquette to keep the marriage fresh and spicy. Since we started out as best buds and are still the best of friends – we try not to get too comfortable with one another. We still want to be attractive to each other, so no burping, tooting, being rude or selfish, etc. So far…pretty good…
Andrew does so well when I work night shifts (well, any shift). On this day, he cleaned the apartment, did laundry, our taxes, and so much more by the time I got off at 9p. I remember coming home thinking about how my day started out on a wet seat – toilet seat that is! In the movie, “What Happens in Vegas,” Cameron Diaz (as Joy) repeatedly showed Ashton Kutcher (as Jack) how to leave the toilet seat down. Before the Love Dare…I tried training Andrew to do the opposite…”up…down…up…down…up…” I’d rather have the seat left up…then I can put the seat down. I just hate sitting on splashed urine!! I told him he didn’t have good aim! Joy hated falling into the toilet…at least she fell in water (I hope)!
After this day’s dare…I come home to a hubby who grins from ear to ear so excited to see me once again like a hyper puppy ready to get outside, and I just smiled trying not to let the wet seat ruin our greeting. Of course he was excited about me noticing all his hard work, so I knew not to act frustrated or disrespectful. I politely (seriously…politely) brought up not wanting to sit in a man’s pee drops on the toilet when getting ready to leave for work at 6:30am. Then I cooked us a big dinner because I do appreciate him…regardless.
Andrew’s 3 irritating things about Tiffany:
1. Whenever Andrew is not in the mood to talk…Tiffany seems to talk more than ever.
2. Sometimes Tiffany nags on things that aren’t important (but planning is important!).
3. When Andrew is trying to cook…Tiffany is always in the tiny, narrow kitchen over his shoulder watching or just wants to help – which annoys him because it crowds the kitchen and only causes trouble!
Tiffany’s 3 irritating things about Andrew:
1. When Andrew leaves a wet toilet seat!
2. When Tiffany feels like she’s talking to a wall.
3. When Andrew eats all her lunch snacks (at odd times of the day) and they have to spend more money on groceries – she calls it wasteful!
So how can I complain...he throws me birthday parties, cooks dinner when I get home, and greets me at the door :)
The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious. ~ Ecclesiastes 10:12
Andrew and I have much respect for each other, therefore, we try to practice good etiquette to keep the marriage fresh and spicy. Since we started out as best buds and are still the best of friends – we try not to get too comfortable with one another. We still want to be attractive to each other, so no burping, tooting, being rude or selfish, etc. So far…pretty good…
Andrew does so well when I work night shifts (well, any shift). On this day, he cleaned the apartment, did laundry, our taxes, and so much more by the time I got off at 9p. I remember coming home thinking about how my day started out on a wet seat – toilet seat that is! In the movie, “What Happens in Vegas,” Cameron Diaz (as Joy) repeatedly showed Ashton Kutcher (as Jack) how to leave the toilet seat down. Before the Love Dare…I tried training Andrew to do the opposite…”up…down…up…down…up…” I’d rather have the seat left up…then I can put the seat down. I just hate sitting on splashed urine!! I told him he didn’t have good aim! Joy hated falling into the toilet…at least she fell in water (I hope)!
After this day’s dare…I come home to a hubby who grins from ear to ear so excited to see me once again like a hyper puppy ready to get outside, and I just smiled trying not to let the wet seat ruin our greeting. Of course he was excited about me noticing all his hard work, so I knew not to act frustrated or disrespectful. I politely (seriously…politely) brought up not wanting to sit in a man’s pee drops on the toilet when getting ready to leave for work at 6:30am. Then I cooked us a big dinner because I do appreciate him…regardless.
Andrew’s 3 irritating things about Tiffany:
1. Whenever Andrew is not in the mood to talk…Tiffany seems to talk more than ever.
2. Sometimes Tiffany nags on things that aren’t important (but planning is important!).
3. When Andrew is trying to cook…Tiffany is always in the tiny, narrow kitchen over his shoulder watching or just wants to help – which annoys him because it crowds the kitchen and only causes trouble!
Tiffany’s 3 irritating things about Andrew:
1. When Andrew leaves a wet toilet seat!
2. When Tiffany feels like she’s talking to a wall.
3. When Andrew eats all her lunch snacks (at odd times of the day) and they have to spend more money on groceries – she calls it wasteful!
So how can I complain...he throws me birthday parties, cooks dinner when I get home, and greets me at the door :)
The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious. ~ Ecclesiastes 10:12
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
#4 Love is Thoughtful
Contact your spouse sometime during the business day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Some married couples reflect on their dating days and think how being thoughtful and loving came so naturally. She may think how he was so sweet to send roses for no reason or for a special occasion. Lucky for Andrew…I wasn’t a big flower person and I blame my mom. I have to agree that they, especially roses, cost so much money and they die within a few days. However, I’m beginning to love unique, long-lasting beautiful flowers – like the ones you can plant! I really like big, bold lilies (any kind of lilies) or wild exotic flowers…they just make me happy and think of sunshine :) As for the guy...they may reflect on how she used to be thrilled to go out to the games with him or allow him to hang with the guys. Some couples change after they get married because they get into a routine and forget to carry out the thoughtfulness.
Andrew and I did’t want that routine…so we work together to keep up one another’s spirit. There’s not a day that goes by where we don’t call to check on each other. Especially the days I work night shift .We won’t see each other until after 9p 2-3 nights a week. Andrew is literally the best hubby, because he sees how hard I work and appreciates everything about me. When I come home…he’s like a kid running to his mom – only he’s a hubby running to his wife squeezing the breath out of her and smooching her cheeks off. He’s learned to be more gentle now. He will have dinner ready for me when I come home from work at night, cook breakfast for me, and get eggs for me while I’m baking. He’s thoughtful in every way – except when it comes to him and electronics!
We have grown so close, we don’t like being apart. I can’t believe we thought about me keeping my job in Louisville while he completes residency in Memphis. At the time, we thought we could do it and spending more than 3 months apart before the wedding (literally until the day before the wedding) didn’t seem that hard. But after being married for 3 months, living together 24/7 in an 860sq feet apartment, and sleeping side by side – seems impossible to ever spend a day/night apart again. Although, he did leave me for a few days during Christmas break. Now we see how it is not good for the man to be alone – God made us suitable for each other (Genesis 2:18).
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you. ~Philippians 1:3
Some married couples reflect on their dating days and think how being thoughtful and loving came so naturally. She may think how he was so sweet to send roses for no reason or for a special occasion. Lucky for Andrew…I wasn’t a big flower person and I blame my mom. I have to agree that they, especially roses, cost so much money and they die within a few days. However, I’m beginning to love unique, long-lasting beautiful flowers – like the ones you can plant! I really like big, bold lilies (any kind of lilies) or wild exotic flowers…they just make me happy and think of sunshine :) As for the guy...they may reflect on how she used to be thrilled to go out to the games with him or allow him to hang with the guys. Some couples change after they get married because they get into a routine and forget to carry out the thoughtfulness.
Andrew and I did’t want that routine…so we work together to keep up one another’s spirit. There’s not a day that goes by where we don’t call to check on each other. Especially the days I work night shift .We won’t see each other until after 9p 2-3 nights a week. Andrew is literally the best hubby, because he sees how hard I work and appreciates everything about me. When I come home…he’s like a kid running to his mom – only he’s a hubby running to his wife squeezing the breath out of her and smooching her cheeks off. He’s learned to be more gentle now. He will have dinner ready for me when I come home from work at night, cook breakfast for me, and get eggs for me while I’m baking. He’s thoughtful in every way – except when it comes to him and electronics!
We have grown so close, we don’t like being apart. I can’t believe we thought about me keeping my job in Louisville while he completes residency in Memphis. At the time, we thought we could do it and spending more than 3 months apart before the wedding (literally until the day before the wedding) didn’t seem that hard. But after being married for 3 months, living together 24/7 in an 860sq feet apartment, and sleeping side by side – seems impossible to ever spend a day/night apart again. Although, he did leave me for a few days during Christmas break. Now we see how it is not good for the man to be alone – God made us suitable for each other (Genesis 2:18).
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you. ~Philippians 1:3
Sunday, March 15, 2009
#3 Love is Not Selfish
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”
Andrew and I love random acts of kindness…just because. And we love the spontaneity in our relationship So this dare came easy for us…or so I thought. Again, it’s harder to be spontaneous or creative when being told to do something. I struggled a little on this day.
As I was driving home from my hearing aid appointment, I began to think of things I could get Andrew as I was passing Target, Whole Foods, Starbucks, a few bookstores, and the mall. Could I simply get him his favorite candy Gummy Bears! I always give him gummy bears when I do this act on my own. I have to be creative. Needless to say, I had to hurry back so we could work out before he and his class had dinner with the usual insurance sellers. Andrew finished before I did and headed home to shower and get ready. I came home and saw the dry cleaners receipt on the fridge and it clicked…oh my gosh, I can’t believe I forgot to pick up his dry cleaners a few days ago when he kindly asked me to do him a favor. He never asked again, so this was my dare. I picked up all his shirts and thought “how can I go the extra mile”…it wouldn’t be fair for me to do something he already asked me to. I decided to organize his closet like mine…each category colored from darks to lights – even his shoes. It was a mess, but I love organizing messes. I must have gotten this organizing trait from my mom.
Some of my crazy cleaning/organizing habits – clean up dishes while I’m cooking so when we eat, there’s not a mess to look at; organize the pantry every time we go grocery shopping (Andrew knows not to even try to put away a can of soup); make up the bed as soon as I get up and sometimes make it up while I crawl out; organize closets just for fun; and even at work…my desk has to be perfectly straightened up before I leave.
I cleaned up a little, took a shower, and waited around for Andrew to come home. I always crave some type of desert or munchies after dinner (I eat every couple of hours). Being on a Dave Ramsey budget…we don’t have much to splurge on the after dinner munchies. I was actually thinking, “it’d be nice if Andrew brought home desert.” And, ironically enough…he did!! A yummy banana/tropical crepe! So sweet! I actually thought that was his dare for the day. Come to find out…he didn’t read that day’s dare. The next night, I was at work and he emailed me and said he just got finished working out and was working on something for me. I came home and went to bed to see 4 coupons he made for me they were for a Free night without the fan on in the bedroom, watch Jon and Kate Plus 8 with me and maybe throw in a foot rub, free apartment cleaning – kitchen, bathrooms, and all, and my favorite, $60 coupon to take me dress shopping for the upcoming weddings (he picks out the dress)!
Even though we may already throw in random acts of kindness, the book definitely boosts a little creativity and appreciation for each other.
Where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder. ~James 3:16
Andrew and I love random acts of kindness…just because. And we love the spontaneity in our relationship So this dare came easy for us…or so I thought. Again, it’s harder to be spontaneous or creative when being told to do something. I struggled a little on this day.
As I was driving home from my hearing aid appointment, I began to think of things I could get Andrew as I was passing Target, Whole Foods, Starbucks, a few bookstores, and the mall. Could I simply get him his favorite candy Gummy Bears! I always give him gummy bears when I do this act on my own. I have to be creative. Needless to say, I had to hurry back so we could work out before he and his class had dinner with the usual insurance sellers. Andrew finished before I did and headed home to shower and get ready. I came home and saw the dry cleaners receipt on the fridge and it clicked…oh my gosh, I can’t believe I forgot to pick up his dry cleaners a few days ago when he kindly asked me to do him a favor. He never asked again, so this was my dare. I picked up all his shirts and thought “how can I go the extra mile”…it wouldn’t be fair for me to do something he already asked me to. I decided to organize his closet like mine…each category colored from darks to lights – even his shoes. It was a mess, but I love organizing messes. I must have gotten this organizing trait from my mom.
Some of my crazy cleaning/organizing habits – clean up dishes while I’m cooking so when we eat, there’s not a mess to look at; organize the pantry every time we go grocery shopping (Andrew knows not to even try to put away a can of soup); make up the bed as soon as I get up and sometimes make it up while I crawl out; organize closets just for fun; and even at work…my desk has to be perfectly straightened up before I leave. I cleaned up a little, took a shower, and waited around for Andrew to come home. I always crave some type of desert or munchies after dinner (I eat every couple of hours). Being on a Dave Ramsey budget…we don’t have much to splurge on the after dinner munchies. I was actually thinking, “it’d be nice if Andrew brought home desert.” And, ironically enough…he did!! A yummy banana/tropical crepe! So sweet! I actually thought that was his dare for the day. Come to find out…he didn’t read that day’s dare. The next night, I was at work and he emailed me and said he just got finished working out and was working on something for me. I came home and went to bed to see 4 coupons he made for me they were for a Free night without the fan on in the bedroom, watch Jon and Kate Plus 8 with me and maybe throw in a foot rub, free apartment cleaning – kitchen, bathrooms, and all, and my favorite, $60 coupon to take me dress shopping for the upcoming weddings (he picks out the dress)!
Even though we may already throw in random acts of kindness, the book definitely boosts a little creativity and appreciation for each other.
Where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder. ~James 3:16
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
#2 Love is Kind
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
The book states 4 core basic ingredients to kindness: Gentleness, Helpfulness, Willingness, and Initiative. I found it quite interesting when they said, “love in its truest sense is not based on feelings, but rather love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward.” We never learn to love until we learn to demonstrate kindness. If you think about it…God doesn’t expect anything in return, he demonstrates unlimited kindness and unconditional love.
Andrew and I love treating each other right. In fact, I love being creative and making him surprises, being sneaky and whatnot. I’m usually good at surprising him, however, Andrew just can not hold in his surprises. He even gave me my Valentine’s gifts early because he just couldn’t wait to give it to me. I find it cute…but, I also like surprises when they’re supposed to be given out! Nevertheless, we both find it hard to be creative when something or someone tells you what to do…like our dares. So I pondered all day about what to do for him before I left for night shift. Then quickly realized when I had roommates 3 years before we got married…I loved leaving them encouraging notes before they took exams or left for the weekend. I’d even make a smiley face out of Post-It notes especially if it was a special occasion like their birthdays. Then I remembered one time I sneaked into the Dental school to decorate Andrew’s patient cubicle for Valentine’s Day…thanks to Todd – haha! Todd made sure I got in without getting noticed. Later that day I received a text message on Valentine’s, “I’m going to kill you” making me feel really confused…”is he serious?!” But he loved it, even though he was embarrassed.
The book states 4 core basic ingredients to kindness: Gentleness, Helpfulness, Willingness, and Initiative. I found it quite interesting when they said, “love in its truest sense is not based on feelings, but rather love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward.” We never learn to love until we learn to demonstrate kindness. If you think about it…God doesn’t expect anything in return, he demonstrates unlimited kindness and unconditional love.
Andrew and I love treating each other right. In fact, I love being creative and making him surprises, being sneaky and whatnot. I’m usually good at surprising him, however, Andrew just can not hold in his surprises. He even gave me my Valentine’s gifts early because he just couldn’t wait to give it to me. I find it cute…but, I also like surprises when they’re supposed to be given out! Nevertheless, we both find it hard to be creative when something or someone tells you what to do…like our dares. So I pondered all day about what to do for him before I left for night shift. Then quickly realized when I had roommates 3 years before we got married…I loved leaving them encouraging notes before they took exams or left for the weekend. I’d even make a smiley face out of Post-It notes especially if it was a special occasion like their birthdays. Then I remembered one time I sneaked into the Dental school to decorate Andrew’s patient cubicle for Valentine’s Day…thanks to Todd – haha! Todd made sure I got in without getting noticed. Later that day I received a text message on Valentine’s, “I’m going to kill you” making me feel really confused…”is he serious?!” But he loved it, even though he was embarrassed.
So, the Love Dare brought back memories of how great it was to bring a little sunshine in someone’s day. Needless to say, I left Andrew a sweet note of how much I appreciate him and love him…right in front of the TV so he couldn’t miss it.
And, the kindness didn’t end from there. I also ran some errands for him, made him a smore that night with our Smore-maker my grandparents’ gave us for Christmas (so quick and easy and…addicting!!). He recorded Jon and Kate Plus 8 for me and surprised me the next day by letting me know he had helped start my best friend’s birthday gift project.
Little acts of kindness…truly demonstrates and sends lots of love! You definitely appreciate more of each other.
Little acts of kindness…truly demonstrates and sends lots of love! You definitely appreciate more of each other.
What is desireable in a man is his kindness. ~Proverbs 19:22
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Our First Dare - Love is Patient
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.
Being a communication major my last year of college (after 3 years of nursing – don’t even ask), I always knew men and women were wired differently. So dating Andrew has not only been fun, but challenging at times. I can remember calling my mom and ask if I was doing the right thing after I got engaged…I was so concerned about my frustration that I was scared and not motivated to get married. I clearly remember this day, the frustration, but remembering what I was frustrated about…is a bit foggy. And even though I knew men are wired differently, it took my mom to remind me that God made us differently so that we can be each others’ strength. If we didn’t prop one another up, nothing would get accomplished.
Today (Sunday, March 1), started out with Memphis snowed in. We literally had a blizzard.
Being a communication major my last year of college (after 3 years of nursing – don’t even ask), I always knew men and women were wired differently. So dating Andrew has not only been fun, but challenging at times. I can remember calling my mom and ask if I was doing the right thing after I got engaged…I was so concerned about my frustration that I was scared and not motivated to get married. I clearly remember this day, the frustration, but remembering what I was frustrated about…is a bit foggy. And even though I knew men are wired differently, it took my mom to remind me that God made us differently so that we can be each others’ strength. If we didn’t prop one another up, nothing would get accomplished.
Today (Sunday, March 1), started out with Memphis snowed in. We literally had a blizzard.
Memphis news announced it was the biggest snow fall since 1968!! Funny thing is…our home, the Bluegrass State…got nothing! But, it melted fast and we were able to get out and do something. We planned on meeting up with Ashley and Jose around 4p to workout, so Andrew – a procrastinator – decided to wait until 2:45p to head out to Dillards to see if they have any dresses on sale. As a female…I need a little more time than that and expressed my concern about being back by 4p (more than once…since he wasn’t responding). He got a little frustrated and told me not to worry about the 4p time. I was just trying to be considerate and asked him to call and see if we can push it back. I was beginning to think…maybe my dad is right…it’s a “Fire starter” for people who feel their marriages are fine. We proceeded to Dillards. I reacted to his impatience by critiquing his driving…hitting potholes and complaining that driving carelessly would give my car a flat tire or by braking late we could easily rear-end someone (that’s his normal driving). My frustration, however, quickly gave way to laughing and joking again. At the store, I didn’t really see anything that caught my eye…except 1 dress that wasn’t on sale – it was $60…not bad…but we’re on a Dave Ramsey budget. Plus, we have been doing good about not shopping.
Later that evening, we worked on the budget before bed. As an organized perfectionist, I asked if we can categorize our folders (in the computer). As a man, Andrew didn’t think it was necessary and got a little impatient again, because I tend to repeat things since he doesn’t respond. So, I slammed the laptop shut and stormed off to bed. We ended up laughing in bed as usual…so all is good. I know I should not let his reaction affect mine, but sometimes it is hard. Our first day, was a little bumpy…but it only gets better…
Later that evening, we worked on the budget before bed. As an organized perfectionist, I asked if we can categorize our folders (in the computer). As a man, Andrew didn’t think it was necessary and got a little impatient again, because I tend to repeat things since he doesn’t respond. So, I slammed the laptop shut and stormed off to bed. We ended up laughing in bed as usual…so all is good. I know I should not let his reaction affect mine, but sometimes it is hard. Our first day, was a little bumpy…but it only gets better…
Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. ~James 1:19
Thursday, March 5, 2009
40 Dares in 40 Days
Marriage is a lifelong commitment and REAL love survives the beauty and ugly of life - laughter, tears, hope, fears, mistakes, human errors, and world war III. That unconditional love moves mountains, swims the sea, and never leaves one alone. 40 days is just a little challenge compared to our days of life…and 40 dares give us the strength to endure love for a lifetime. My parents and Andrew and I have begun an adventure that has already given us the will to fall in love even more, to stay in love for the rest of our lives – The Love Dare (from the movie Fireproof).
Andrew and I watched the movie and encouraged other married couples to do the same. My parents said they watched the movie and we all agreed…great story! Daddy and Andrew didn’t seem to think the movie itself was all that great…but agreed it was a wonderful story. It motivated me to get the book and get started on ‘Fireproofing’ our marriage. My mom was inspired and even sent us a card to let us know that they have too bought the book and started it. Mom thought it might take them 80 days instead of 40…bumpy start. In the meantime, I find out what the bumpy start was about:
From mom - My idea was that we would read the book at night before bed. Then we'd do the daily "dare" the following day. Wednesday's dare (which we had read Tuesday night) was not to say anything negative to each other. During the day Wednesday, your daddy had tried to get ahead and read Thursday's dare which was to do some unexpected act of kindness.
I got home from work and he said something I perceived as negative. I proceeded to remind him that we were not supposed to say anything negative. He said, "Well, you didn't even notice that I did the dishes for you." Realizing that he had read ahead...I firmly said, "We are on "don't say anything negative" day...not "do an unexpected act of kindness" day. After we argued over this a few minutes...we both started laughing. He ended up telling me that he had already done the next day's "kindness" dare, but I quickly told him that he did it on the wrong day and he would just have to think of some other act of kindness for the next day.
Anyway...I'm wondering if the book to help our marriage is going to be worth it. Your Daddy now calls the book "Fire Starter". We continue to do it, but having a little fun at the same time.
Then she proceeds to tell me how she got daddy involved…
While in E-town, I had your Daddy dropped me off at Lifeway. I wanted to surprise him with the Love Dare book. I was really excited about getting the book and starting the marriage enrichment exercises.
I came out of Lifeway almost beaming. I was so excited as I pulled the book out of the bag and showed it to your Daddy. He responded, "What is that?" I excitedly told him that this was the book referenced in the moive that we had just seen that weekend.
His reply..."What do we need that for? That's silly? What's wrong with our marriage? You just got that because of that dumb movie...I didn't even think that the movie was that good!"
By then...my facial expression had changed to look like his...eyebrows crunched...lips pouted out..MAD! I told him to take me back to Lifeway so I could tell them that my husband thinks our marriage is perfect and we have no need for this book. I pretended to return the book and tried to make your Daddy feel guilty all the way home.
Around 10:30pm, I came into the family room...smiling and said, "I've got a surprise for you tonight." I kind of winked as his face quickly made a transformation. I sat down beside him and pulled out the book :) It did make him laugh!
Moral of story...We all don't see the same needs...but we are capable of convincing a person to do what we think is best :)
FYI…my dad had back surgery in January. So, he’s off for several months. In the meantime, I can see and hear him enjoying his time off…he has worked so hard and too much for our family. I believe God slowed him down for a reason…to enjoy the richness of love, relationships, and life :)
And the Love Dare continues…
Andrew and I watched the movie and encouraged other married couples to do the same. My parents said they watched the movie and we all agreed…great story! Daddy and Andrew didn’t seem to think the movie itself was all that great…but agreed it was a wonderful story. It motivated me to get the book and get started on ‘Fireproofing’ our marriage. My mom was inspired and even sent us a card to let us know that they have too bought the book and started it. Mom thought it might take them 80 days instead of 40…bumpy start. In the meantime, I find out what the bumpy start was about:
From mom - My idea was that we would read the book at night before bed. Then we'd do the daily "dare" the following day. Wednesday's dare (which we had read Tuesday night) was not to say anything negative to each other. During the day Wednesday, your daddy had tried to get ahead and read Thursday's dare which was to do some unexpected act of kindness.
I got home from work and he said something I perceived as negative. I proceeded to remind him that we were not supposed to say anything negative. He said, "Well, you didn't even notice that I did the dishes for you." Realizing that he had read ahead...I firmly said, "We are on "don't say anything negative" day...not "do an unexpected act of kindness" day. After we argued over this a few minutes...we both started laughing. He ended up telling me that he had already done the next day's "kindness" dare, but I quickly told him that he did it on the wrong day and he would just have to think of some other act of kindness for the next day.
Anyway...I'm wondering if the book to help our marriage is going to be worth it. Your Daddy now calls the book "Fire Starter". We continue to do it, but having a little fun at the same time.
Then she proceeds to tell me how she got daddy involved…
While in E-town, I had your Daddy dropped me off at Lifeway. I wanted to surprise him with the Love Dare book. I was really excited about getting the book and starting the marriage enrichment exercises.
I came out of Lifeway almost beaming. I was so excited as I pulled the book out of the bag and showed it to your Daddy. He responded, "What is that?" I excitedly told him that this was the book referenced in the moive that we had just seen that weekend.
His reply..."What do we need that for? That's silly? What's wrong with our marriage? You just got that because of that dumb movie...I didn't even think that the movie was that good!"
By then...my facial expression had changed to look like his...eyebrows crunched...lips pouted out..MAD! I told him to take me back to Lifeway so I could tell them that my husband thinks our marriage is perfect and we have no need for this book. I pretended to return the book and tried to make your Daddy feel guilty all the way home.
Around 10:30pm, I came into the family room...smiling and said, "I've got a surprise for you tonight." I kind of winked as his face quickly made a transformation. I sat down beside him and pulled out the book :) It did make him laugh!
Moral of story...We all don't see the same needs...but we are capable of convincing a person to do what we think is best :)
FYI…my dad had back surgery in January. So, he’s off for several months. In the meantime, I can see and hear him enjoying his time off…he has worked so hard and too much for our family. I believe God slowed him down for a reason…to enjoy the richness of love, relationships, and life :)
And the Love Dare continues…
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